August Alsina just gave the interview that rang around the world! And the overwhelming response is, “Will gave August a pass to do what?”.

I bet Will is somewhere reflecting on this moment from the first season of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Just like we’re shaking our heads at Da Brat thinking nobody knew she was out of the closet, the world knows that Will and Jada have an open marriage. This is not up for debate.

We live in a society where fans take ownership of their favorite celebrities and feel entitled to all of the intimate details of their lives. Some celebrities thrive off of this as a line item in their public relations contract. While others feel like Kevin Hart.

Since we’re dealing with consenting adults, my first thought was that it’s really none of our business. They all knew what they were getting into. Whether this was an open relationship in which he was invited by one or both parties, the lessons of Sidepiece 101 still apply.

They are not leaving their spouse for you. - Do not set yourself up with the expectation that you will make them fall so deeply in love with you that you can successfully woo them away from their spouse.
Stay in ya place. - Don’t try to assume the roles or responsibilities of the spouse. Do not disrespect the spouse. Respect the relationship. (i.e. calling all hours of the night, showing up unannounced, expecting to spend holidays together, catching temper tantrums when the individual chooses family over “affair” moments.)
Don’t catch feelings. - Kind of hard not to do, but even if you do, you already know. They are married and committed. Respect their commitment. (Commitments are like contracts. They are personalized and individualized per the agreement.)
And last but not least, don’t kiss and tell.

Buuuuttt, since we have the Red Table and all, made specifically for cleaning out closets and enlightenment and growth and things, I say let’s just keep it 100. Y’all have an open marriage and August, a consenting adult, though significantly younger, was fair game.

This situation becomes sticky when you add the mental health element into it.

This is typical of relationships in general. The current state of marriage and divorce in America is a sign that people are hurting and are doing their best to cope with broken homes and blended families with custody battles galore. We now have several generations trying to find their way without guidance. There needs to be true sex education and family planning and I’m not talking about Planned Parenthood. I’m talking about the emotional, physical and spiritual ramifications of sex and relationships.

Most adults are emotionally inept for the relationships they are in. Collectively, the African American community is traumatized and has yet to fully begin to address the necessary repair needed within our interpersonal relations between men and women.

Individually all three parties involved are dealing with issues which we will get into. I am not looking at this situation seeking a place to lay blame because no such place exists. Nor am I seeking to let anyone off. There is accountability to be had on all sides. We are dealing with humanity in a situation that is very common whether directly or indirectly, and it must be approached with sensibility.

This situation first came to my attention when August released a song “NunYa” last March. The visual for NunYa uses an emoji that favors Jada, named Koren, Jada’s middle name, as well as a GIF of the actress, while the song itself is about a rocky relationship with an “actress.” If there were any whispers of an affair between them prior to NunYa, it was the song that got the rumors swirling. This situationship was introduced to the world by August. Everyone was going crazy for a few weeks before he finally broke his silence, going full on denial in an Instagram post.

"Been quiet & still amongst all the noise last week, more so out of respect for Nip🙏🏽 but I’ve been paying attention to all the theories of conspiracy 😂🙄😐in regard to “NunYa” Remix,". "So Here’s To Clarity, The Song is not about Jada. It’s simply JUST A SONG, & a free artistic expression of a made up narrative already put in place by its ORIGINAL format. Thank you for all of your love around the music & more is to come but please know that Me & my BEST (@jadapinkettsmith) are good!!! & We will always be, 4Life! We’ve been talking everyday while all this has taken place. 🗣Now yal stop trippin’. lol ..U know We got BiG ❤️LoVe for the Goddess over on this side."

I’m not sure what his motive behind releasing “this” song was, but I’d say the content of the song was a great promotional tool. Check out these lyrics.

"You got me feeling like it was an act, you’re just an actress/Putting on a show ‘cause you don’t want the world to know/That you lost a man who loved you all along, Baby, couldn’t we just let this go?" Alsina sings.

I’m not even mad at him. Get your coins. From the lyrics it sounds like he fell in love and wanted her to tell the world. He felt like she was his and he wanted everyone else to know but she wasn’t feeling that even though she didn’t want it to end. He’s saying couldn’t we just let it go as a control mechanism like, you know my love is the shiii and you don’t want to lose this. All or nothing baby. I’m guessing she tried multiple ways to try to make him understand “his place” but he wasn’t feeling it. Hence his Instagram post claiming they were still good, i.e, still messing around. But they did stop following each other after that.

The interesting part about this time in their lives was the “role” she was playing in his life publicly. She was a mentor, a life coach, a mother, a friend.

Fast forward, August interviews with Angela Yee. This time he’s promoting his documentary. There was so much to love about the interview. We were able to see his heart, mind and have greater insight to his growth as a man. Yet, all anyone wanted to talk about was “The demon who sucked August dry”. Sighs.

Before watching the full interview, I was like, why is he doing this again? He’s humming a different tune. Instead of the previous denials, he’s ready to spill the beans explicitly. “Will gave me permission.” he says.

He gave a few reasons why he’s speaking on it at this time.

His character is being questioned by fans about the situation. (Because he put out the song)
After putting out the song, he’s lost money, friendships and relationships.
The situation affected his wellness and well-being blocking his heart space.

For numbers 1 and 2, I’m like okay, son, eat that. That’s on you. Don’t kiss and tell. But once he mentions his wellness, the social worker in me perks up. Everyone deals with things differently. What may constitute a normal occurrence for one person could very well be a crisis for another. If holding something in is literally making you sick, you must release and let it go. That also looks different for different people. Due to him releasing this info on a public forum drawing public criticism, he felt the need to address it publicly.

My question would be: Were the negative effects to your wellness due to the actual situation with Jada or due to the backlash of him putting out the song about the situation. Based on the fact that he says that he’s still cool with them and loves them so much, “Like my family, I don’t have a bad thing to say about them”. I’m thinking it’s the latter. He clearly was heartbroken via the song, but heartbreak doesn’t automatically equate to crisis. However, losing money and friends, especially in this industry can be traumatic. I’m sure he missed out on several opportunities.

August has been through quite a bit, so we’re talking about compound trauma. We’re talking loss via death, abandonment and molestation among other things. He has also dealt with beef and scrutiny early on in his career.

When he met Jada, he was vulnerable.

Jada was also vulnerable. Yes. I said it. She’s in a non-romantic relationship according to August. That’s a horrible place for a wife to be regardless of the agreement. Married to your life partner but not your soulmate is no picnic. All the money in the world does not buy happiness. She married Will for many reasons, but we all know who she believes her soul mate was. I’d bet Will believes it too. He stated in an interview at the Breakfast Club that he was jealous/intimidated by her relationship with Tupac, never feeling like he could live up to who he was in her eyes. I promise you that affected him mentally. It affected their marriage for sure.

I can see that Jada’s devotion was vital to Will in their early years. After years of her letting him know, look I wear the pants ‘round this mf’er too, he gave in. He loves a submissive woman. Jada is like her girl MC Lyte, “Gotta Have A Ruffneck”! I can see him being the type of man, feeling inadequate about the woman he loves, but loving her so much that he’ll do anything to please her including allowing her pleasure outside of himself. It’s just not an Alpha-Male like thing to do for a global superstar who is known for saving the world better than anybody.

August and Jada’s relationship may have started off innocent enough, but in building their relationship, I believe that they subconsciously formed a bond around their trauma. Maybe there was some Trauma Bonding (totally different) in there (I hope not). It’s very common for individuals to connect based on shared experiences of coping with trauma. You don’t have to have the same trauma for this bond to occur. I believe that Jada found a Tupac-esque energy within August and latched onto it. According to her, she and Pac weren’t on good terms at the time of his passing and she never got the chance to say goodbye. Whenever she speaks of him, you can tell how heavily it weighs on her still.

For August, it’s similar to many black men, he had a complicated relationship with his mother and found comfort and solace in the motherly energy of Jada. Many times when people are divinely brought into each other's lives for edification and uplifting, it can be so unbelievably surreal that it can be tainted by a Fantasy Bond which is what I believe happened between these two.

The Fantasy Bond exists when the reality of a deep, loving feeling is replaced by a more robotic form of going through the motions of an intimate relationship. Many factors including childhood experiences, the repeating of past patterns and a fear of being alone can drive people to a fantasy bond.

I will say this though, Jada and Will being older and more emotionally “mature”, will have to address this now very public issue. I really hope she gets on the Red Table and just keeps it a buck and says, “Yeah I did it and I had fun! Stella got her groove back. Hubby knows what it is! Eff up out my business!”

In regards to August, according to the interview, he is in a great place now having made peace with the situation. He just had to tell his story. The healing on his part has and is taking place.

For Jada, if she says she needs healing, she’s feeling some guilt about it. I’m curious. Did you deliberately feed on his vulnerability for your own pleasure? Pleasure is great when everyone walks in eyes wide open. Was August blindfolded? Were there whips involved? We need visuals! I keekee! Lol!

August needs to look into the difference between open relationship and polyamory. If not, maybe he she just respect the wishes of the couple he went into an “agreement” with. These types of relationships are extremely emotionally taxing and one must have the mental fortitude to commit to one. I sincerely believe that August was not a good candidate for an open nor poly relationship. That’s is where Will and Jada messed up.

Now I’m not going to go into Tisha Campbell-Martin’s statements or any of the Smith’s associated lovers, because as I said, they are clearly in an open marriage and can do whatever floats their boat. If someone can take someone away from you, they weren’t yours to begin with. It’s consenting adults and none of our business. Though I am loving the national discussion. To my fellow married and committed couples, where y’all at with it? I know one thing, this is a reminder to continue working on our trauma and building our mental health for our family’s sake.

Each marriage/commitment is different and rightfully so. We are all different. It takes different strokes, lol, literally.

Marriage, Love and Mental Health